Better Later in Life

FRIDAY, Aug. 4 (HealthDay News) -- Breast-fed babies are better able to cope with stress later in life than babies who are bottle fed, according to a U.K. study.

Researchers analyzed data on almost 9,000 children at birth, and at ages 5 and 10. The information about the children was gathered from parents, teachers, health workers and midwives.

When the children were 10 years old, their teachers were asked to rate the children's anxiety levels, and their parents were interviewed about major family disruption -- such as divorce or separation -- that occurred when the child was between 5 and 10 years old.

Not surprisingly, high anxiety levels were more common among children whose parents had divorced or separated. However, those who had been breast-fed were much less likely to be anxious than those who had been bottle-fed.

The study found that breast-fed children whose parents had divorced or separated were almost twice as likely to be highly anxious, while bottle-fed children where more than nine times as likely to be highly anxious than other children.

Even when the researchers factored in other possible influences, the findings held true. However, the results don't actually prove that breast-feeding itself helps children cope better with stress, the study authors said. They say it may be a marker of some other maternal or parental factors that influence a child's response to stress.

For example, the quality of physical contact between a mother and her baby during the first few days of life may influence the development of the child's neural and hormonal pathways involved in the stress response.

The authors also suggested that breast-feeding may affect the quality of bonding between mother and child and the way they relate to one another. This may have an enduring effect on the child's anxiety levels in stressful situations.

The study was published online ahead of its appearance in the journal Archives of Disease in Childhood.

More information

The U.S. National Women's Health Information Center has more about breast-feeding.

On the Womenshealth.gov website, you will find the common facts that we all hear about the benefits of breastfeeding your baby. Among them are:

• Breast milk is the most complete form of nutrition for infants. A mother's milk has just the right amount of fat, sugar, water, and protein that is needed for a baby's growth and development. Most babies find it easier to digest breast milk than they do formula.

• As a result, breastfed infants grow exactly the way they should. They tend to gain less unnecessary weight and to be leaner. This may result in being less overweight later in life.

• Premature babies do better when breastfed compared to premature babies who are fed formula.

• Breastfed babies score slightly higher on IQ tests, especially babies who were born pre-maturely.

I continue to get comments from black women who have something to say to me about my articles on breastfeeding and my almost "lecturous tone" when I talk about the benefits of breastfeeding and the dismal statistics that indicate that black women are on the bottom of the totem pole when it comes to choosing breastmilk over formula. I am encouraged in my writings that my words are touching a chord and happy that even if there are those who disagree, that the conversation is being started. Within our community we DON'T talk on a regular basis about the significance of breastfeeding and the long-term ramifications that occur when other means of feeding our babies are given precedence over nursing from the breast. Consumed with the here and now and thinking that the issue of breastfeeding is only significant when a child is a baby, more and more information is pointing to the fact that behavior issues and ailments in adolescence and adulthood stem from the "first foods" fed to a person when they were a newborn.

For many children in the African-American community, that first food is becoming less of a chance of being breastmilk. And, the statistics keep on getting worse.

According to government statistics on women's health, in 2001, breastfeeding rates in the hospital were 72.2 percent among Whites, 73.0 percent among Hispanics, and 52.9 percent among Blacks. These rates were the highest recorded since national breastfeeding data have been collected. However, disparities remain between Black women and women of other racial and ethnic groups. With support groups like La Leche and web sites like Babycenter.com cropping up everywhere with tons of information on the topic, what is the root of this disparity?  It can't be from lack of information on the benefits. Perhaps its the lack of information on the effects of using formula.

According to the statistic above, if a little over half of African-American women who gave birth in US hospitals in 2001 were breastfeeding, than almost half were feeding their babies formulas. With new studies showing that black children in larger numbers, when compared to children of other ethnicities, develop some type of intolerance to cow's milk, the formula of choice is often a soy alternative that can be brought as easily as its milk counterpart. I fed my daughter Khari soy formula in tandem with breastfeeding when she began daycare and my expressed milk was not abundant enough to sustain her through the day. How safe is the soy alternative?

Two studies by University of Illinois food science and human nutrition professor Sharon Donovan show that the soy isoflavone genistein, in amounts present in commercial soy infant formulas, may inhibit intestinal cell growth in babies. In the first study, published in the Journal of Nutrition in June 2004, Donovan treated intestinal cells in culture with genistein in the amount present in soy infant formula and found that the cells "basically stopped proliferating." The intestine-- which aids the body in disposing of toxins and waste in the system-- is adversely affected when babies are fed soy formula.

Dr. Francis Crinella, clinical professor of pediatrics at UC-Irvine, and Trinh Tran, a graduate researcher at the UC-Davis Department of Animal Studies, have described how the soybean plant lifts up manganese in the soil and concentrates it so that its use in soy-based infant formula can result in as many as 200 times the levels found in breastmilk.

These and other experts believe that such high concentrations could pose a threat to the immature metabolic systems of babies up to 6 months of age.

The size of the market for soy-based infant formula is held very closely, yet an independent expert estimates the market for all infant formula to be about $3 billion, with soy-based formula accounting for about $750 million of that, having doubled in the last 10 years.

"The brain undergoes a tremendous proliferation of neutrons, dentrites and synapses during the first months of life," Crinella says. "The brain especially is vulnerable in early life precisely because such rampant growth is taking place, and at that time intrusions by potentially toxic substances like manganese perturbing the emerging neural organization can exert long-term effects. Manganese ingested during a period of rapid brain growth and deposited in the critical basal ganglia region may affect behavior during puberty when powerful stresses are un- leashed on the dopamine neurons, and altered behavioral patterns appear."

These altered behavioral patterns during late childhood and early adolescence, according to Crinella, may be diagnosed as hyperactivity with attentional deficit - or perhaps as "manganese-toxicity syndrome."

Often accused of being a conspiracy theorist, I pass this information on intentionally and with forthright honesty. I do believe that it is a conspiracy but not necessarily one that is aimed solely at our community. I believe that how we feed our children has become as commercialized as everything else we do-- from how we attend school to what types of homes we buy. In order to stay atop of the information machine without being passively led to believe that your choice is indeed your best choice possible, you must consider all of the evidence before you. Look at the big picture of how black children are currently faring physically, mentally and behavior-wise and consider how we can turn things around with how we first begin to feed our children, growing them on the breast.

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Check out the following resources to read up more on the topic:

Publications

1. A Well-Kept Secret- Breastfeeding's Benefits to Mothers (Copyright © LLLI) - This publication contains information on the benefits of breastfeeding for the baby and the mother. It includes information on physiologic effects and long-term benefits.
   http://www.lalecheleague.org/NB/NBJulAug01p124.html
2. Benefits of Breastfeeding ( Copyright © Linkages Project) - This fact sheet briefly describes the different health benefits that breastfeeding has on mothers and babies.
   http://www.linkagesproject.org/technical/bf_benefits.php
3. Benefits of Breastfeeding (Copyright © United States Breastfeeding Committee) - This booklet explains the health and emotional benefits that breastfeeding has on mothers and children. It also gives information on the environmental and economic benefits of breastfeeding.
   http://www.usbreastfeeding.org/Issue-Papers/Benefits.pdf
4.   Breast Milk - This publication contains information on breast milk. It explains why it is better than cow milk, how breast milk is produced, how to establish, maintain or increase your milk supply, and how to store it.
   http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/002451.htm
5. Breast-feeding and Bottle-feeding (Copyright © Kids Health) - This publication contains information on the benefits of breastfeeding, the pros and cons of bottle-feeding, instructions on how to breastfeed or bottle-feed your baby, as well as answers to common breastfeeding questions.
   http://www.kidshealth.org/PageManager.jsp?dn=KidsHealth&lic=1&ps=107&cat_id=
   20051&article_set=22567
6. Can Breastfeeding Prevent Illnesses? (Copyright © LLLI) - This publication contains information on how breastfeeding can prevent some illnesses in your baby.
   http://www.lalecheleague.org/FAQ/prevention.html
7.   Close to the Heart: Breastfeeding Our Children, Honoring Our Values - This publication contains information on why breastfeeding is important, benefits of breastfeeding, and how breastfeeding is a value held by Native American women.
   http://www.womenshealth.gov/breastfeeding/close_to_the_heart.pdf
8. Economic Benefits of Breastfeeding (Copyright © United States Breastfeeding Committee) - This publication explains the medical and economic costs of not breastfeeding, and it has information on the non-medical costs of artificial feeding.
   http://www.usbreastfeeding.org/Issue-Papers/Economics.pdf
9.   Feeding Baby with Breast Milk or Formula - This brochure helps parents decide on the way to feed their baby. Breastfeeding is the best, but if it's not possible, there are helpful tips for using formula.
   http://www.fda.gov/opacom/lowlit/feedbby.html
10. Feeding Your Newborn (Copyright © Kids Health) - This publication contains information on breastfeeding or bottle-feeding your baby, the advantages of breastfeeding, limitations of both, and possible challenges.
    http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/food/infants/feednewborn.html
11. Got Mom... (Copyright © ACNM) - GotMom.org was created by the American College of Nurse-Midwives to provide breastfeeding information and resources for mothers and families. It contains information on why breast milk is best, dispels common misunderstandings about breastfeeding, and it provides a list of resources that can help women and families with breastfeeding, information for employers, and links to the latest research findings.
    http://www.gotmom.org/
12. Mama's Baby: Happy, Healthy and Breastfed (Copyright © Black Women's Health Imperative) - This site encourages women to learn about the benefits of breastfeeding. It also addresses the barriers to breastfeeding that women often face and gives tips for overcoming these barriers and having a successful breastfeeding relationship.
    http://www.blackwomenshealth.org/breastfeeding
13. The Comprehensive Benefits of Breastfeeding (Copyright © ACNM) - This publication lists the beneficial effects that breastfeeding has on mothers, babies, and society.
    http://www.gotmom.org/best/benefits.htm
14. What are the Benefits of Breastfeeding my Toddler? (Copyright © 2006 La Leche League International) - This publication describes how breastfeeding your toddler can help their ability to mature and their understanding of discipline as well as provide protection from illness and allergies.
    http://www.lalecheleague.org/FAQ/advantagetoddler.html

Organizations

1. African-American Breastfeeding Alliance
   http://www.aabaonline.com/
   
   
2. American Academy of Pediatrics
   http://www.aap.org/
   
   
3. American College of Nurse-Midwives
   http://www.midwife.org/
   
   
4. Breastfeeding Basics
   http://www.breastfeedingbasics.org/
   
   
5. Bright Future Lactation Resource Centre
   http://www.bflrc.com/
   
   
6. International Lactation Consultant Association (ILCA)
   http://www.ilca.org/
   
   
7. Kids Health
   http://www.kidshealth.org
   
   
8. La Leche League International
   http://www.lalecheleague.org/
   
   
9. Linkages Project
   http://www.linkagesproject.org/
   
   
10.   Maternal and Child Health Bureau, HRSA, HHS
    http://www.mchb.hrsa.gov/
    
    
11.   National Center for Education in Maternal and Child Health, MCHB, HRSA, HHS
    http://www.ncemch.org/
    
    
12. National Healthy Mothers, Healthy Babies Coalition
    http://www.hmhb.org/index.html
    
    
13.   National Women's Health Information Center, OWH, HHS
    http://www.womenshealth.gov
    
    
14.   Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants and Children, (WIC) USDA
    http://www.fns.usda.gov/wic/
    
    
15. United Nations Children's Fund
    http://www.unicef.org/
    
    
16. World Alliance For Breastfeeding Action
    http://www.waba.org.my/
    
    

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This summer is flying by in a flash. Before I have a chance to breathe, we are already in another month as the summer days tick by. All the plans to swim, travel and sunbathe fall by the wayside as I become consumed in work that entails running a summer program with 100+ kids. As well, I become overwhelmed with guilt that the plans to go with Khari to the beach, the museum and the zoo have not come to fruition because I often arrive home, too dead tired to do anything but reheat leftovers for dinner and read a bedtime story goodnight.

Enter the cool grandparents.

This week Khari's paternal grandparents took their vacation from work together so they could whisk Khari and her older 12 year-old sister away to a bunch of cool places on THEIR vacation. The girls have already gone with their grandparents and cousin to the National Aquarium, a waterpark and family party with plans to travel to the amusement park Kings Dominion as an end-of-the-week chaser as an overnight trip. Two years-old and water obsessed, Khari is having a ball. And I have too. With Khari with her grandparents, I am left with open nights with the choice to get extra sleep, go out, read or do anything I normally wouldn't be able to do with Khari around. The funny thing is is that with Khari so occupied and absent, I haven't really done anything but wonder what she's up to and miss her terribly. Yesterday, when she spent the night home for the first time this week, I was giddy with excitement, smothering her with attention while all she really wanted was to nurse and regroup for the next cool outing with grandma and grandpa.

Ahhhh, the woes of the neglected mom. Not sure what to do with myself without my squirming two year-old in close range, I am a mess. I don't want to curse myself and wish my newfound freedom to disappear, but gosh darnit, it sure would be nice to hear Khari's off-key Dora song. Is it possible to ever truly appreciate an empty nest? Go figure.

When Khari was 8 months old and thrilled with the idea that she could stand on her own two legs by herself, she would demonstrate this miraculous feat whenever she could. She would stand up whenever and wherever she could and I was the proud, preening momma, egging her on.

On one such day, I had just bathed her and laid her on our king-sized bed that stood at least two feet off the ground. Walking to the closet to get clothes for her to wear, I didn't notice that Khari had wriggled out of her towel and begun to stand up on the shaky mattress. Her father walked into the room and I turned around as Khari, laughing, bounced across the bed, gaining momentum as she walked, until she couldn't stop herself. Before her father and I could leap across the room to catch her, she had literally bounced off the bed, crashing quick as lightning, to the floor.

In my panic, I was horrified! I had tried to reach but my fingertips had grazed her as she hit the floor. With the grace of goodness, she was not seriously injured at all and had landed somewhat on a pile of clothes prepared for the laundry room (thank the lord for a messy room!)

In this moment that had quickly turned from one of smiles and giggles to checks and feels for broken bones, I had a serious "Mama moment" where I doubted if I was even worthy of parenting this delicate little person. I mean, what kind of mother was I that ALLOWED her baby to fall off the bed? I had my moment of guilt and low self-esteem and almost began to cry as I pondered this state of neglect as I deemed it, until I shared my feelings with the woman who worked in my daughter's child care classroom.

"Chile," she cautioned, "you best get over all that in a hurry. Stuff happens. And its best you recognize that now. Everyone's child falls on their head sometimes."

"Everyone?" I asked, my eyes bugging out of my head. Even if not everyone, just the fact that she, affectionately called Mama Fuluke, was admitting to this was totally mind boggling to me. Mama Fuluke, beautiful and gentle and, in my mind at the time, the image of what natural pristine mothering was, could not possibly be telling me that she had dropped her babies or watched her babies fall unintentionally ever. That was so hard for my new-mommy brain to grasp. But it was true.

She shared with me that every mother has experienced something that has happened to their little ones that was out of their control. Every mother makes a bad judgement call at some point and every mother suffers from a case of "stupid-itis" that they recognize, later on down the line, was probably one of the dumbest things they've ever done.

Having Mama Fuluke spell it out for me really gave me a sense of connectedness to this job we call motherhood and allowed me to slowly exhale as I released the thought from my mind that I was the world's worst Mommy.

Lucky for me I had Mama Fuluke and the other women around me who listened and gave advice that encouraged me to not feel so alone in this fast-paced whirlwind we call motherhood. I coulnd't imagine having my foibles plastered for all to see and have more people around me eager to see me fail and crushed under the burden of responsibility and parenting. For someone like Britney Spears, who is not only young, but a new parent and soon-to-be parent again, I have only sympathy when I see tabloid headlines criticizing and rebuking her for things that we all as mothers, at some point in our lives, have experienced on some level or performed as inperfectly as she, when it comes to our kids. If there is anything that parenting has shown me, it is that no one is perfect and there is no perfection that is the same for each parent nor child.

So, as I giggle over my past less than stellar Mommy moments and check Khari to make sure that all her bones are in tact, I send Ms. Britney and other new, young moms like her positive energy with the hope that they have someone in their corner letting them know that its okay to not be perfect.

(c) 2006

Khadijah Ali-Coleman

 When I gave birth to my daughter Khari in 2003, I felt intent on mirroring my mother’s method of raising me consciously. My mother prepared me early on that there was racism in the world and the educated mind was the tool for battle. As she greased my scalp and braided my hair, my mother hugged me between her knees as I practiced my growing vocabulary at 8 years old, reading aloud from books the words of great minds like Chancellor Williams and Franz Fanon. I was thoroughly educated backwards and forwards of the trials and tribulations of our ancestors and raised holistically in the footsteps of my culturally-conscious Black mother.

Our goal as a people, I believed, was to overcome racism and become a strong collective that has a stronghold on our interests socially, economically, politically, educationally, etc. Shoot, that wasn’t so far fetched, I reasoned as a youth. I looked and believed that the Chinese people collectively own every carry-out in my hometown of Washington DC. The East Indian and Middle Eastern people own every 7-eleven around and have portions of the city dedicated to their culture. And white people, it seems, own everything else. Why was it unrealistic to set such high goals?

So, traipsing into the “new world”, as I called life on my own, I felt pretty prepared to meet head-on the racism I knew would be awaiting me -- the racism that had peeked out of pockets in my all-black neighborhoods as a young child, blossomed into closed minded professors and racist rhetoric in college newspapers when I spent four years at the local university and plucked me incessantly when I was reminded how offensive I could be for simply existing when I was denied interviews based on my strong African-Islamic name (you don’t look like a “Khadijah” I was told once.)

Racism, ha! It was no match for me at all. My mother talked about all with me before-hand. But what she really didn’t spend too much time on, I realize now is the area of relating.

My personal experiences with relating with others in our community have always worked best on the superficial level, teetered if challenged and crumbled at the first effort to move past the superficial. From the men who would rather be “friends with benefits” than friends who discuss politics, the spirit and a commitment, to the girlfriends who pledge forever friendship until a man comes on the scene, my personal life has been challenged with the idea of relating.

Our failing ability to relate to each other on an intimate level in our own community is something we rarely talk about but can be so painful and soul-toxic that it runs like poison into the relationships we form with each other as adults, the relationships we have with our offspring and the relationships we build with others outside of our community. We can talk about the surface issues of someone being jealous or someone not having self-esteem or having commitment issues, but we don’t discuss it in depth with each other, the people involved, the reasons we are uncomfortable and how to turn the situation into one where understanding and acceptance are the goal. Some say that it depends on whether you were raised in a single parent home or two-parent home that dictates how you will relate to others. To that, I totally disagree. I’ve witnessed children turned adults who come from two parent families who are even more clueless than I about what it takes to make a relationship between two people work. They’ve been raised by two parents who are still together, but don’t necessarily talk to each other, listen to each other or demonstrate acts of kindness and communication.

Beyond racism, beyond sexism, we have reached a critical stump where relating to one another and communicating beyond simply talking is difficult for some and unattainable for most. Adults have fallen so deep into a trend of looking the part that the substance inherent in intimacy building and basic empathetic conversation has diminished. We have taken a value system of education, extended family, oral history, traditional honor custom, elder revering and rites of passage and replaced it with ideals that value money lording, “baby mama/fatha” drama, fashion idolatry and glorified entertainment. One set of values that uphold relating and sharing, replaced by values that promote separation and self.  

And maybe it’s easier. Maybe it’s easier to focus on the superficial if it means not rocking the boat and at least giving the appearance of everything being okay. I know personally that it is easier to watch MTV with my daughter’s father and smile and grin and get along rather than discuss with him how it really bothers me that we don’t talk about anything that isn’t on television. But it does something to me at a soul level when I don’t speak to him. It disturbs me on a soul level when I don’t speak up when someone has hurt my feelings and been insensitive and it hurts me, almost irreparably, when someone considered a friend, finds it easier to choose to disassociate with me or act passive aggressively rather than address personally what it is that I’ve done that has hurt them. So, as I feel my soul aches, I venture to wonder, how many others are out there aching as well. How many, I wonder, yearn to relate and shed our present state of separation and get together to share, really share, listen and love?

So, as two-year old Khari learns to speak paragraphs and identify her shapes, colors and numbers, I follow in my mother’s footsteps and strive to raise her conscious. Coupled with her legacy of black self-knowledge, I promise her as well that, as I learn and grow, she will also be taught and know the gift of relating.

Khadijah Ali-Coleman

© 2006

(me and my Khari)

My daughter Khari has reached the age and maturity level ALREADY where I can really piss her off. If told "no" or pulled in another direction when she has her mind firmly set that she wants to go another way, she vividly displays her shades of rage in her face, her grunts, her words and her actions. My daughter told me she didn't love me today! And, I cried.

Let's back up. I didn't cry in front of her. Also, let's be clear, I'm not the push-over, namby-pamby spineless wimp that is easily persuaded by what others think of me (ok, I know this is a bit much and sounds like hopeless rationalizing and denial, but, really, I'm not!) But really, nothing has hurt my heart so badly.

Learning from her peers at her daycare, she has now mastered the art of using her feelings to her advantage. She can convey her feelings but also has picked up on the triggers that can wrap mommy around her finger or push my mommy to the edge. On a recent shopping trip, when I turned for a brief moment to find her not in my line of vision, I panicked. In that moment of panic, anxiety trilled high in my voice. Khari was intrigued. Figuring out that if she hid in the rack of clothes Mommy would think she was missing and possibly cry, she tried it once or twice, literally hollering "cry mommy, cry!"

From this experiment, she learned the power of the batted eyelash and the whispered, "I'm mad at you." Unable to hide my expressions, I was a clueless puppet until her dad warned, "Don't let her work you like that."

Becoming more aware, I learned that Khari is learning how to use her expressions and to accurately express her feelings. In the midst of this, she is also learning the power her expressions and actions have on others. Am I mad or anxious to snap her out of this? No. She has to learn somehow about her feelings and I would prefer her to be expressive than withdrawn and internal to fault. But I be clear, she will be schooled soon on how tolerant her mother will be of her burgeoning fancy with getting a reaction out of me. As she learns I will be learning, becoming creative with how to nip her child-like manipulation in the bud without clipping her blossoms too soon.

Extended Breastfeeding

Introduction:
Breastmilk is best... That's what doctors tell you. But when should you stop? And how old.. is too old? As fox five sherri ly explains.. some mothers are waiting "years" to wean their children.
Sherri Ly:
Josh is a typical two and a half year old. He loves to play outside... And all that playing makes him hungry. He snacks on chips, eats fruits and veggies, even steak, But sometimes he wants a little more. Something only "mommy" can give. When josh says me, me... What he wants is milk... Not the cow's variety...But breastmilk.
Margo Graham, Breastfeeding Toddler: "He nurses four or five times a day."
Josh's mother, margo graham, says nursing her son comes naturally.
Margo Graham: "I frankly didn't spend a lot of time before I had kids thinking about oh, I can't wait to nurse until my kids are two and a half. It never occurred to me that I would be."
Here in the U.S., studies show 71-percent of mothers breastfeed their babies at birth. By six months it drops to 35-percent and at one year just 16-percent of babies receive "some" breastmilk. Nursing a child for more than a year is considered extended breastfeeding...And only a few moms nurse as long as three, four and five years. The comment these moms hear a lot: If they're old enough to ask... They're too old.
Davina Williams, Parent: "When they get five they don't need to be breastfed. That's too much."
Mike Pauly, Parent: "I'd be taken aback a little bit at first but then I accept it."
Anne Gray, La Leche Leader: "Even people you know may be nursing toddlers and they're not sharing the information with you."
Anne Gray is a leader with, La Leche, a group that helps mothers who want to nurse. She breastfed her older children until they were toddlers and is still nursing her 14-month old, Bridget.
Anne Gray: In the U.S. they have rights to nurse.
In D.C. there are no laws one way or the other about breastfeeding in public. But in Maryland and Virginia it is protected. Even so, the idea of someone nursing a toddler makes many people uncomfortable.
MArgo Graham: 'Breasts on TV during the superbowl are nothing compared to how wonderful it is to nurse. To bear a breast in a restaurant is hardly a crime."
Graham says there's no embarrassment. And the benefits of breastfeeding are well documented. The American Academy of Pediatrics says one year is optimal. Breastmilk has nutrients and antibodies formula can't duplicate and mothers and children benefit from the bonding.
Anne Graham: "I could feed him totally off my body if I wanted and what a powerful gift that is for me to give to my children."
Breastfeeding older children is not unusual in most countries. Nancy Clarke, a lactation consultant at George Washington University Hospital, says between two and four years is the norm.
Nancy Clark, Lactation Consultant: "If I walked into the Middle East or into Central America, you'd be sitting on a bus, you'd be sitting next to all these children that are being breastfed on their mother's lap and you wouldn't even pay attention to it."
Critics worry nursing a child too long can cause long term psychological damage. But a study by the american academy of pediatrics offers a different conclusion.
Nancy Clark: "They haven't found any evidence of psychological or developmental delay in children that are breastfed for long periods of time."
Anne Gray: "In american culture, you have to admit, breasts are considered sexual but a child nursing is not looking at breasts in that fashion."
As more mothers nurse, attitudes are changing.
Arshia Payman, Supports Breastfeeding: "If they're comfortable with it I think we should be fine with it.
Kenneth Uka, Parent: "when the baby's hungry, the mothers supposed to feed him or her.
Just when is a child too old depends on the child. Most will wean themselves, usually around 2 1/2 or three years old.
Nancy Clark: "We dont have to worry about the kid going to kindergarten and still being breasfed."
Margo Graham: "I think that's a societal fear, people think that oh, this baby's going to nurse until they're 12.
Graham and gray say all of their children are healthy and well adjusted. Every one of them breastfed as toddlers and both plan to keep nursing as long as their children want.
Conclusion:
As a child gets older, the benefits of breastmilk dont diminish. Even if they aren't getting much milk, doctors say it still contains antibodies to fight off germs and bacteria.
This story was posted on FOX 5 website 07.20.05, and had not been updated

"Mommy, I fell in the toilet!"

I jumped up from the computer and ran to the toilet to find Khari legs flailing as she struggled to pull herself out of the toilet. She had mistakenly sat on the rim of the toilet without pulling the seat down. She had become so independent in the last few weeks, going to potty by herself and then moving to the big toilet, that I had stopped accompanying her when she said "potty" because she automatically shirked my help and would yell "I can do it myself". She had even begun ignoring me in public when I asked loudly if she needed to "pee pee" because she would act embarassed that I was insinuating she was a baby in front of "big folks".

As a two year-old, Khari has definitely felt vocal enough to let me know when she wants my help and when she doesn't. As a 32 year-old,  it has been more of a challenge for me to respect those wishes yet realize that sometimes pulling back does not mean disappearing completely. With my own issues of restriction and freedom, I would never want to be accused of impeding someone's growth or crowding their space. What I am working on is understanding that in two year-old language, "I can do it myself" doesn't mean, "I want to be by myself." As a mommy, I am learning that standing on the sidelines is just as good as holding a hand for support.

So, next time, to avoid any more butt splashes in the toilet, I will definitely make sure I accompany my tiny titan to the toilet as long as the toilet is taller than her. I will recognize though, that because I'm in there, doesn't mean I have to direct the show...Khari is trying to get the hang of it. Watching and learning, I am sure I will get this job down pat, controlling my urge to "help". I can do it, I think. Yeah, I can do it!

(c) June 2006

Mother's Day was a fantastic experience for me. I got to spend time with my mother and sibs and revel in the attention granted because I'm a mom. Thanks to Khari.

Unbeknowest to her, as she played with my brother and gulped down fried calamari, was the fact that she had defined me in a way that opened a whole new world to me. Before Khari, I had no idea of the significance of burping and nursing and the importance of carrying a big bag capable of carrying treats, changes of clothes and toys-- while doubling as a purse. Khari, wide eyed and innocent looking with her mischevious dimpled grin had no clue that she had given me one way access into a club that was so desirious and so full of limitless possiblilities.

Babycenter...Kids R Us...Cloth vs. paper wipes...Maya Sling...birth care center vs. hospital...kegel muscles...lactation...pull-ups...footstools...night terrors...sippy cups

I found significance in things that had no place in my life before. I became grown by an experience...am being grown by an experience that I thought I could only have after I learned all the answers.

This mother's day, my mother gave me a wonderfully roomy Sarto bag with a musical card and a t-shirt that says "Moms are Special". I received a free meal from my now-old-enough-to-drink brother and a fantastic art deco mirror from my soon-to-be-high-school-graduate sis. Khari's dad gave me beautiful jewlery while distant friends sent me email hellos. In all their thoughtfulness and difference, I am appreciative to them all and amazed at my good fortune to have such caring consideration. Above all, I thank Khari for her special gift that keeps on giving...the title of Mommy she gave when she decided to bless me with her birth. Nothing can top that, I guess.

Khadijah Ali-Coleman

(c) 2006

I consider myself a renassaince woman. I am an intellectual who is busily trying to complete a book on youth development. I am an artist who sings and creates songs. I am a amateur photographer, a teacher to young people, a writer and a single mom who works full-time. I do a lot and intend to do and see a lot more in my lifetime-- and I intend for my child Khari to do the same. As mothers, we expect the world and then some for our children. We get excited by the possibilities of what our children can be and we engage them in activities as they grow to make sure that they are getting the support they need to become our ideal.

But is all of that necessary?

What are really doing when we put that ten month old in a swimming class where the most she is doing is holding her breath on reflex and has absolutely no ability to differentiate between a breaststroke and a dolphin stroke? What are we doing when we shuttle our two year olds to dance classes and our four year olds to tae kwon do? Are we really aiding them in developing a skill that they will later cherish and dedicate time to enhancing or even making a career? Or, instead, are we setting them up to be resistant to the very thing we are engaging them in as they are shuttled, coached and prepped with a vengeance by their overeager parents?

I don't know. I listen to the "experts" who write books and blogs on the benefits of introducing young children early to cultural activities and sights so they can begin early to incorporate their significance in their daily life. I mean really, every one has heard about the benefits of playing classical music while the baby is in the womb because the IQ advantages are there. And who hasn't heard of the advantages of sports and arts in the schools? There is example after example of how arts education completes a sound education and is a needed outlet for all children, especially those who don't learn by traditional means.

Look at the stars we revere...Stevie Wonder is a living icon and musical genius today because of his early introduction to music as a child, making records before he was legal. Debbie Allen, a renaissance woman who is not only a world famous dancer, but produces, directs and writes children's books studied early as a child to thrust her into a world of the arts that she know champions. Political activist Harry Belafonte was known as an actor first, acting helping him develop a passion that has broadened into a respectable asset for his noble activism. These are some strong examples for me, heroes of mine, who demonstrate enough for me to view cultural arts activities as necessary to healthy child rearing.

For, to me, its not just the prospect of raising a child who can perform and be at the top of her class and profession, it is important that Khari is able to use all of her learned skills to develop a sound character and use as tools to do what she truly wants. Yeah, it would be nice to think that after all of the Saturdays we spend an hour going thru the lessons of tap and ballet, she will continue as she ages to become a prima ballerina or part of Alvin Ailey's dance troupe. But what would make my heart proud and happy forever is that what she is doing makes her heart proud and happy as well. That's all this renaissance woman, a former flashdance wannabe, can really hope for after all.

I love my Khari.

(c) 2006 Khadijah Ali-Coleman

I love my job. I enjoy the mundane tasks of meetings, planning and emailing and the uplifting duties of facilitating lessons to struggling students, taking groups of young people to places they've never been and helping young students showcase their talent. I am a youth worker and I love it. When my daughter came, I was forced to re-examine my love. What I find is that often my two loves-- my daughter and my job--come with needs that are often at odds. I came up with a list this morning that examined the categories of needs my two loves have and analyzed them to determine which was a higher priority.

Feeding

I know what you're asking..."How do you feed a job?" But to me its simple-- with energy and creativity. Those two coupled aid in creating unique programming, finding different ways to manage multiple tasks and helps keep my personal morale alive. The more I feed my job, the more enjoyment I find, the more valuable I am to my boss and my team and the more experience is added to my knowledge base for future advancement. When I feed my baby, I get a healthy daughter that has limited if any visits to the doctor; I have daughter who will sleep through the night if her stomach is fed; a daughter who will grow strong and ready for the next day; and finally, if I don't feed her, its called negligence. Those are the pros, the wonderful "after" effects of feeding. The cons are the challenges that obstruct feeding from happening.

Cons for feeding my job include many things. For starters, the more I feed my job with energy and creativity, the less I have for daughter when I get home. The more energy I feed my job, the bigger the expectation I put on my performance, setting a higher bar that may need to be flexibly moved and can't always be so high up...and finally, I'm feeding all my energy and creativity, but what is left for me at the end of the day?

When I feed Khari, or trying to feed Khari is challenging. I get off work at 5:40pm, rush to pick up Khari before 6pm to avoid being fined a dollar a minute for being late and then rush to pick up Khari's dad at the train station on time. By the time I get home, I am bushed! 

Higher priority-- Feeding Khari, of course!!! And not just feeding her belly...

Strategy for balance-- To achieve balance where I am feeding both my job and my daughter, I am first attempting to achieve a list of prioriy duties at work and get a sign off from my boss on what needs to happen NOW as opposed to "we got time". I need to arrive at work not so early and leave on time so I am not spending eleven hour days on work from my job and Khari is left for the leftover hours of two in the morning and two in evening before she is put to bed or waking up in the morning. Also, dinner needs to be planned weekly so I know what I'm going to make or I can make it the night before. Khari can be fed consistently and more healthy if my food menu is more intentional and consitently happening at the same time.

(c) 2006 Khadijah Ali-Coleman

Next blog-- More categories I'm working on..,

Being a mother is akin to being like the earth, the sun and the moon. Harvested from your body, like a melon from the vine was your baby. To her young eyes, you are the sun, giving light, warmth and nurturance. Nestled in your arms, your baby old and young, reacts in tune to your rhythms like the tide responds to the moon.

As mothers, as women, we hold such power that is the strongest determining factor in which way our child feels secure, shows nurturance and expresses love. It's a tall order. A burden for some, a gift to many. As men and women clash for power in the outer world of corporations and materialism, in the inner sanctum of home and heart, mothers rule the roost. Do you use your power for good or to manipulate? Are you even in tune with your power?

(c) 2006 Khadijah Ali-Coleman

(my Khari Belle)

My daughter Khari is remarkably beautiful. At two years old, she knows how to flaunt her good looks too, poking her heart-shaped lips out and gazing out of her Bambi big eyes angelically as she begs for something that’s been pulled out of her grasp. Atop her head lay thick lustrous dark ringlets that, when braided into pigtails, lay placidly against her back, only to swing back and forth as she plays and runs. She makes strangers smile and aunties want a kiss when they see her because her smile is so infectious and her little body so cuddly. Wiry and nimble at two, she is the perfect size to tickle and toss in the air.

Knowing this and watching the hypnotic effect that she has on those around her, makes me sweat with fear at the prospect of her attending school after day-care. My fear, though, is not of the trail of adolescent boys who I fortell will bombard my doorstep with requests to date her. My fear is not my strong belief that she will be engaged in so many social activities that my pocketbook will be drained and my car will be renamed “Khari’s Ride”.  Instead, I look at my baby and think of the haters who will seek to dethrone her from her place of royalty we’ve bestowed upon her. As my little princess, Khari will, inevitably, one day, meet a witch or two who will try to make my pride and joy feel two feet tall.

I look at her and cringe as I remember my own grade-school experiences where girls, who I don’t know but who have been watching me, suddenly decide that I “think I’m cute” and need to be put back in my place. I watch adults “ooh” and “aah” over my little girl and remember how I would leave my home of warm protective smiles of my mom and grandparents and people who loved me to travel to school where fingers pulled my long pigtails, scoffed at my eclectic wardrobe, and tried to fight me because, according to them, I thought I was better. No where near as cute as Khari, but definitely outspoken, self-possessed and as outrageous as I wanted to be, I began and progressed through school believing that anything is possible. However, as the years passed, the mental attacks of envy and unnecessary spite beat like battering rams against my armor of self-esteem. Yeah, I made to where I am in one piece, but with many battle scars along the way. I don’t want Khari have to bear what I endured.

But what can I do other than do what I’m doing?

I hear mothers who speak of training their daughters to turn the other cheek. In my area where some mothers hold the gang mentality of “fight or be beat”, I’ve been cautioned to make Khari knows how to fight to avoid the definite possibility of getting her butt kicked.  

I appreciate the advice, but I think I’ll stick to my own devices.

So, I continue to hug her and kiss her and to tell her she’s lovely. I’ll encourage her to explore and support her when she walks the balance beam and life’s fine lines a little teeter tottery. I’ll listen to her vent and hand her tissues as she cries, but I will never slacken in my words of sincerity that tell her she is loved. I will hold high the expectation that she will treat others fairly and kindly when all possible and I will model the sacredness and mindfulness of peace and prayer.

by Khadijah Ali-Coleman

(c) 2005

(my Khari)

Published on www.clubmom.com

When my daughter arrived in my life, I was 29 years-old, independent, sassy and a whirl of motion. When I gave birth to Khari in 2003, after my three month maternity leave, I was back at work, trying to balance my love for my job with my love, adoration and overwhelming attachment to my daughter. Things weren’t pretty at first. I cried at my computer terminal for the first three weeks back to work and I would leave as early as possible to pick up my baby and bring her to work the last remaining two hours with me. Thanks to a flexible boss, this was allowable, but what made the period easiest was my daughter and my bond established through nursing.

As the best first food for your newborn, breast milk, or rather, breastfeeding achieves so much in one half hour than all the pacifiers, blankets and bottles in the world. The closeness established between mom and child is second to none and the nourishment is irreplaceable, even though formula companies try to sell you otherwise. As Khari grew and my separation sadness waned, breastfeeding still remained an integral part of lives.

I found that even as a fast-growing one year-old, Khari still sought the comfort of my arms and breast to relax and wind down after a long stimulation filled day at daycare.  Like an adult who seeks a martini at happy hour, Khari’s spirit of choice helped her to calm down and become in tuned once again to our world as she nestled in my arms.

As she grew to become the bouncy two year-old who takes ballet and can use the potty by herself, she still seeks to be nursed in comfort, asking politely in her 2 year-old speech can she have some “Ninny”—her name for breastmilk--when we get home; and I oblige willingly.

Many gawk in surprise and offer their opinion on how “inappropriate” they believe it is for a two year-old to still be nursed. But I always do the same thing, encouraging them to do their research—and in most cases, have kids—before placing judgment and stigma on a subject they know little about. My mother nursed me and my four siblings until we self-weaned ourselves at various ages. All of us, happy and well-adapted, recognize the headstart our mother provided us as we look around and notice our peers who have allergies, health issues such as asthma and poor eating habits (neither me nor none of my sibs have any of the before mentioned ailments).

In our culture in the US, most women erroneously believe breastfeeding has a timeframe that is to not exceed one year-old and is better maintained if it ends in infancy. This is contrary to medical findings and cultural tradition within more naturally organic groups of people that uphold the reality that breast milk is nature’s tonic for babies and toddlers in the first few years of their lives. My reality is that as a breastfeeding mom, my child has not ever been diagnosed with an ear infection and has had congestion and illness only after eating the wrong foods (she is allergic to cow’s milk and dairy).

I encourage all parenting women to try breastfeeding, particularly African-American women who, in this country, have the lowest breastfeeding rates disproportionate to their population size. The health benefits for your child innumerable and the bonding opportunities are priceless. And, as your baby enjoys “ninny”, you will enjoy knowing that you are starting a legacy that will continue for as long as its upheld.

by Khadijah Ali-Coleman

(c) 2006

In a recent interview with Essence magazine, pop sensation Beyonce shared that when she performs on stage, she takes on the sexy persona of her alter ego “Sascha.” Sascha, who likes to wear heels and gyrate amidst the cheers, screams, applause and whistles of adoring fans is the apparent originator of the Booty bounce Beyonce is famous for.

“What a coincidence”, I thought when I read that. I have an alter ego too when I write. Neither sexy, rich nor as fantastically fit as Sascha, my alter ego, however, suits me just fine. She is a multi-tasker and the originator of some of my best works. Her name is Wah-wah and like Sascha, she responds to screams, cries and whistles.

I had an assignment last week to finish in four hours to meet my 6pm deadline. I had done the interviews and legwork necessary to get my essential information. I basically had to just structure the piece and add my flavorful tone of humor and wit that would pull the copy together.

I turned on my laptop, turned on my favorite light for inspiration and began to process. As my fingers grazed the keys, my two-year old pranced into my writing room butt-naked with socks on.

“Khari,” I began, “where are your clothes?”

“No clothes on,” she yelled, dimple dents on both cheeks.

 “Sweetheart,  it’s time to put them back on. You have a cold.”

“No clothes!!!” Little head shaking no.

“Khari Isabel Soleil! Please go get your shirt now!”

 “No pull-up!! WAHHHHHH WAHHHHH!” Curly head disappears in back room.

Enter Wah-Wah.

“Hook, “ Wah-Wah calls.

Hook is Khari’s father who is supposed to be watching Khari while I am meeting my deadline.

Wah-Wah walks into the living room and finds Hook laid on the futon, legs stretched out aroma of wings and mambo sauce from the carry-out wafting through the air. The TV is blaring the game; Redskins are losing.

“Hook,” Wah-Wah begins again. “The baby is butt-naked and is interrupting the meeting of the deadline.”

“Wha? Wha—what am I supposed to do?”

Exasperated but once again, responding to her name, Wah-Wah takes over. She locates the baby, finds the lost clothing and plops both on the lap of Hook. Pulling the sweatshirt of the wiggling, screaming and kicking baby, Wah-Wah begins,

“This is what you do. Make sure the baby keeps her shirt and pull-up on. Make sure she remains in the same room as you and make sure she is happy at all times.”

Wah-wah gives Khari a kiss, pats Hook on the shoulder and proceeds to walk back to the writing room.

As she makes her final exit, she looks back and smiles. Khari has is playing with the remote control (the batteries have been cleverly hidden by her dad) as she sits on her Sponge Bob baby chair. Hook is watching the final down as the Redskins attempt to redeem themselves. All is good, deadline meeting can begin. Go ‘head Wah-Wah. You did it again.